What am I doing with my life?

Lately, I’ve been using a lot of my free time in Instagram. I always check accounts of babies like Scarlet Snow Belo and Seve Gonazaga. 

Then randomly I reach the posts of Nico Bolzico, the husband of Solen Heussaff. His captions are surprisingly funny and romantic as well.  Like this recent one:

Haha. Relationship goals. #SolzBolz

Then I began to ask myself, 

“Why am I watching other people live their lives? What am I doing with my life?”

All of a sudden, I feel tired. I can’t even count how many times I have sighed today. I’m lost.

There’s just nothing to look forward to. What could be the right term for that? Hopelessness? Despair? I can’t pinpoint exactly. 

Two more weeks of summer vacation and what significant things have I done? None.

The rain is not helping too. It makes me depressed in all new levels. 

I want to go somewhere for a while but who shall I go with? And where shall I go? These things make me realize that I’m so alone.

The book I’m reading is not helping. The time I spent in social media makes it worse. The money I earned is not enough. How ungrateful of a person am I?

I’m losing my sense of direction. And I can’t identify my goals anymore. It seems like they’re all gone. The things I want to achieve before, I don’t like them now. It seems like all the people of my age are marrying the love of their lives, having their first babies, finishing their postgraduate studies, and I am just here. Just existing.

How I wish something just pop up from nowhere and may it become a source of little inspiration to help me keep going. If none, I’ll be so restless, hopeless, and nothing but a sort of person just going with the flow. 

“What am I doing with my life?” 

“I don’t know.”

I hope this is just a phase that everyone goes through once in a while. I hope this wouldn’t last for long. I hope I can reunite with my self soon. I hope I will learn how to cope. I hope I can find enough hope.

So help me God.

“Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.”

Benjamin Franklin


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