Lately, I’ve been using a lot of my free time in Instagram. I always check accounts of babies like Scarlet Snow Belo and Seve Gonazaga.
Then I began to ask myself,
“Why am I watching other people live their lives? What am I doing with my life?”
All of a sudden, I feel tired. I can’t even count how many times I have sighed today. I’m lost.
There’s just nothing to look forward to. What could be the right term for that? Hopelessness? Despair? I can’t pinpoint exactly.
Two more weeks of summer vacation and what significant things have I done? None.
The rain is not helping too. It makes me depressed in all new levels.
I want to go somewhere for a while but who shall I go with? And where shall I go? These things make me realize that I’m so alone.
The book I’m reading is not helping. The time I spent in social media makes it worse. The money I earned is not enough. How ungrateful of a person am I?
I’m losing my sense of direction. And I can’t identify my goals anymore. It seems like they’re all gone. The things I want to achieve before, I don’t like them now. It seems like all the people of my age are marrying the love of their lives, having their first babies, finishing their postgraduate studies, and I am just here. Just existing.
How I wish something just pop up from nowhere and may it become a source of little inspiration to help me keep going. If none, I’ll be so restless, hopeless, and nothing but a sort of person just going with the flow.
“What am I doing with my life?”
“I don’t know.”
I hope this is just a phase that everyone goes through once in a while. I hope this wouldn’t last for long. I hope I can reunite with my self soon. I hope I will learn how to cope. I hope I can find enough hope.
So help me God.
“Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.”