Worn Out at its Worst

Hi. I’ve not been here for quite a while that I even feel like a stranger–not that I’m not a stranger in the first place–but it’s like being “more stranger”… If that makes sense. 

Anyway, I don’t want to make my blog a corner full of rants but I can’t help it. I feel so alone again, and here I am confiding to strangers… to people I don’t know. But at least once you bother to read my thoughts, I feel like it’s tantamount to being concerned. 

Well, I don’t know…

I feel empty. I find my job not fulfilling anymore. It feels like it is greedily eating my time, my soul, my everything. And I’m just here teary-eyed watching my life goes to the drain. 

I’m tired but it’s not the kind of tiredness that an 8-hour sleep can cure. I’m exhausted. My soul is exhausted. I’m tired of this fudging routine. I hate Mondays. I hate Tuesday. And everyday about work. I also hate days anticipating the coming of work.

Yes. I hate my job. And I hate myself for putting myself to a work I can’t longer breathe into.

I know that there are other people like me who have harder job. And there are even more people who are dreaming to be where I am now…but would that remove my right to complain. 

You might tell me to go and get another job. Yeah. Yeah. Easy to say. But when you’re the breadwinner, I don’t think you can risk that much.

People who were born with silver spoon in their mouth–I envy them so much. They can take risk and if they fail, they can bounce back exactly to where they are… especially that they are not financially supporting anybody except themselves. 

But for people like us, it’s too hard to commit mistake. It’s difficult because we’re not the only one affected but the three or more  persons solely depending on us.

Yes. I hate my job. But I badly need this now. And that is the exact reason why I’m torn –worn out at its worst.

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5 thoughts on “Worn Out at its Worst

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  1. I can feel you! I feel just exactly the same. Wanting to make a better move for yourself because you know you can but at the same time you can’t because there’s a bigger baggage of responsibility that’s been weighing on your shoulders more than your own worries. Most of my colleagues don’t understand too. Most of them can just quit their job whenever they realized they need a time for soul searching or when they think they’re getting older and they need to keep up with time. I can do none of these. Because every action that I make, I make it also for my whole family. Worst is, when you complain or you said you’re tired they’ll make you feel bullshit for being so ungrateful in your life when other people can’t even have a menial jobs.

    I’m stuck also at this phase and the only thing that I could hope for is for the “perfect time”. There might be bigger opportunities in the future we’re we can just grab it and move forward without looking back. But I seriously want that to happen sooner. Huhu.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. *** I’m stuck also at this phase and the only thing that I could hope for is for THAT β€œperfect time”. There might be bigger opportunities in the future WHERE we can just grab it and move forward without looking back. But I seriously want that to happen sooner. Huhu.

      Liked by 1 person

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